


In Our Bedroom After the War

by Tielsys



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, M/M, My First Fanfic, Only kinda narusasu, Shikamaru cannot be bothered with Sasuke's dumb emo emotions, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, after the war, sasuke is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26833192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tielsys/pseuds/Tielsys
Summary: Sasuke is struggling with the confusion and loneliness of returning to the village. He's not quite sure if he has it in him to continue this way, but is leaving the best idea? Maybe some friends can help him figure it out. Maybe leaving is what's best for the Uchiha.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	In Our Bedroom After the War

Sasuke wakes up to the sun glinting through the cracks of the curtains. Despite Naruto's efforts to keep them closed so Sasuke can sleep, the sun always creeps in between the two brightly colored pieces of fabric. He pushes himself out of bed, noticing the familiar absence of his friend who is probably working hard to become hokage. His dream. Sasuke isn't sure if he has any dreams now, he's failed at everything. Honestly, that's probably for the best, he thinks to himself as he gets ready for a day of nothing yet again.

Getting ready doesn't consist of much for the Uchiha, he puts on his normal clothing, then ruins it with a comfortable dark cloak covering his entire physique. He doesn't bother fixing his messy hair, the bag under his eyes and the dirt under his nails are visible. Depression is evident in every part of him, physically and mentally. It's not his own thought, it's something his old Sensei, Kakashi Hatake, brought up to him a couple days ago. Sasuke supposed Kakashi should be and expert on the subject, but decides to not think too hard on it. Sasuke's never been a particularly chipper boy anyways, why would now be any different? His family, his brother, is still dead and he will never see them again. He is the village villain, even if Naruto and Sakura don't think so, he sees the stares, the faces, all of it. He realises he doesn't belong there, he's been thinking of leaving. 

\---

It doesn't take long for Sasuke to run into Sakura on his stroll of the village, something he does everyday for a reason he's unaware of. Maybe he misses it, maybe he's taking on his role of Uchiha and patrolling, or maybe he just needed to get out of the cramped, cluttered apartment Naruto considers a home.

"HEY! SASUKE!" He panics a little every time Sakura talks to him. He feels like he's let her down the most. He brings his hand up in a slight wave, thinking about all of the times he dismissed her as a child. He wonders when he will stop being bombarded with disappointing memories of his past. Sakura comes to a halt by his side, she is carrying a variety of medical supplies.

"Good to see you out of that apartment! I don't know how you can even breathe in there. I've seen it, It's like Naruto's never heard of the act of cleaning." She laughs fondly, another thing that has changed about her, before she would have huffed in disgust. Sasuke is glad Sakura has come to understand and love Naruto just like everyone else in the village.

"I hope he's treating you well, I know he's busy with his prepping, but you're still his guest and…" She still has a tendency to talk way too long. He smiles a little at the memories, though it turns to a frown quickly. 'Naruto should be treating me well?' He thinks to himself. 'That doesn't sound right.'

"I'm thinking of leaving." he blurts without a thought, stopping Sakura dead in her tracks.

"Well, that's probably for the best." She laughs. He's confused, he was sure Sakura would want him to stay. "...Naruto can't keep ya forever, y'know? I'm sure you'd have no trouble finding a new place-" Oh.

"Yeah…. You're probably right… Well, I'll be off now." He steps around her quickly and ignores her look of confusion at his quick exit from the conversation. He can't tell Sakura about this. She always reacts poorly, he needs someone more mature and understanding. He apologizes to her in his head, it will have to do.

\---

Wandering around, even more in his head than before, Sasuke takes to ignoring everything but his feet scuffing up dirt as he walks. He expects to run into more people, these days everyone is wandering around. It's peaceful for the villagers, but for him, he's just as on edge as ever. He can't ignore the feelings of not belonging, they make him feel like there are enemies all around him, and he won't make it out alive.

It's a risky move, but he decided to head to the flower shop. He knows he will run into Ino Yamanaka, but he hasn't visited his elder brother's grave in a while. Sasuke isn't sure he believes in life after death, but he likes to think his brother is finally happy, and hopefully not disappointed in what Sasuke has become.

He stands at the entrance of the shop, not ready to step in and face his young fan-girl. He wonders if she still feels the same way, he doubts it. Most everyone hates him now, and he'd be surprised if the kunoichi held the same obsessive feelings she did as a pre-teen. He takes a step forward, ignoring the way his hands shake. When did he get to be such an anxious person? The shop is empty, save the familiar woman leaning against the check out table, looking at her chipped nail polish. She looks up, feeling Sasuke's nervous presence and raises a shocked eyebrow. He has come in once for twice to pick up flowers for Itachi's grave, but this is the first time he's come without Naruto's glowing personality to cover his own gloomy one.

"Uh...Hey Sasuke? Looking for the usual?" She's referring to his arrangement of flowers Ino put together for Itachi. Sasuke can't remember any of the names to save his life, but Ino shouted in disgust at his original choosing, rambling about the meanings or something. All he knows is she put together a beautiful piece with flowers meaning "pure" and "sacrifice" for him, Sasuke liked it. He nodded at her, not speaking any words.

"I'm surprised you came without your boy-toy. I guess he's too busy becoming hokage or whatever though." Sasuke's not sure why she calls Naruto that, but he supposes it's another name for 'friend'. She looked back at him while picking out some white flowers. "Yo! You speak?" She's rude, but he deserves that.

"Sorry. Yes...He is." He doesn't look her in the eyes. She laughs and shakes her head.

"Y'know, you haven't changed since you were five. Always quiet and gloomy, can't believe I had a crush on you, uh...no offense or anything, You know I love ya." Sasuke isn't really sure what to make of this, he knows she doesn't mean harm, and he takes no offense. He doesn't really see what anyone saw in him either. But does she really love him?

"Do you?" Sasuke asks in all curiosity, following Ino back to the cash register, ready to get out of there as soon as possible. He curses himself mentally, he's having a hard time keeping his thoughts internal. She looks at him shocked.

"Well duh! Yeah, you made a lot of mistakes but," she shrugs mid sentence, taking the money from Sasuke's hand. "We all know why, and I think all of us forgave you before you even changed." This was...news, to Sasuke. He didn't think anyone felt this way. Do all of his classmates feel this? The statement doesn't quite soothe this feeling in his chest.

"Right...Well, thank you. For the flowers. Goodbye." Sasuke couldn't get out of his head, he left the shop without a second glance as Ino practically shouted her goodbye.

\---

What Ino said was ringing in his head. He knew the whole village didn't feel that way from the whispers and the way they hide their children when he's around. Is this how Naruto felt as a child? That thought lingered in his brain, bouncing around and making him sick. Naruto was his best friend. Or were they more? He wasn't sure anymore, their relationship became a mixed bag after their fight. They are nothing alike, but somehow linked to the very core of their beings. How could they not be close? Thinking on it made Sasuke's brain hurt; he wasn't much for romantics and neither was Naruto, so they didn't talk about it. He supposed he should find someone smarter than both him and Naruto to help. His mind lands on Shikamaru, he is the smartest Shinobi he knows, and is one of Naruto's first friends. He should know plenty, but Sasuke is pretty sure the strategist isn't too fond of him. 

Sasuke decides to try looking for him anyways, despite being the advisor for Kakashi, Shikamaru has a tendency to slack off. Naruto and Sasuke have come across him often while walking around the Leaf. Shikamaru used to say that the Hokage lookout was the perfect place to smoke and look at the clouds go by, so Sasuke knew just where to find him. The hokage's tower pretty much over-looks the whole village, Sasuke saved the world and yet, this seems like a monumental task to him. Pushing past all his negative thoughts, he kept walking. 

\---

Making it to the lookout wasn't as horrible a task as Sasuke had planned, he didn't run into anyone familiar thankfully, but the hard part was still to come. He could see a small trail of smoke coming from the roof, an obvious sign of shikamaru was definitely there. Praying he was alone, Sasuke decides to forego the whole "actually walking through the crowded building" part of this mission, and leap up to the roof like any normal Shinobi would do. Shikamaru, to his relief, was alone, laying on one of the benches, smoking. He looked so relaxed, Sasuke almost considered rethinking this whole thing and leaving as to not bother him. Shikamaru had already noticed him standing there though and quirked an eyebrow, as if giving him a que to speak. 

Sasuke stood there awkwardly, not entirely sure of what he was about to say to his peer. His mind was racing. Shikamaru, the genius he is, practically read his mind and cut in first.

"Is this about Naruto?" He asked him very plainly, like he was already tired of the conversation they haven't had. Sasuke nodded.

"How did you know?" The other man gave him a look that made Sasuke feel somewhat small, a look that said "Really, Sasuke?" 

"Naruto is the only thing you talk about." An embarrassing, but true statement. Sasuke swallowed his pride and decided to ignore the small ping of anger that came up. Anger is an emotion he hasn't been letting himself feel lately, unless it's directed at himself. 

"I would usually go to Naruto for this but-" Sasuke started.

"He's an idiot?" Shikamaru finished. It's not exactly what he was going to say but it's the same idea. "What are you trying to figure out here, Sasuke? I'm a busy man." Shikamaru had a lazy tone, and they both knew he wasn't being serious, so Sasuke continued.

"I figure, you know more about Naruto than most. So," Sasuke sighed, not sure how to go about this next part. Shikamaru and him were by no means buddy buddy, so talking to him was always strange."How would you say Naruto describes our relationship with each other?" Shikamaru didn't seem taken aback at all by this question, it's almost like he expected it. He sighed and put out his cigarette.

"I'm gonna answer your question, but you and Naruto should really discuss this yourselves, y'know?" Had Naruto asked him a similar question? 

"I'm sure Naruto is just as confused as you are, you guys have had a weird relationship. Like, you guys hated each other, then didn't, then you wanted to kill him, and now you guys live together and sleep together in the same bed. You understand that's weird, right?" He sighed again. "Anyways, I think Naruto deep down loves you more than just a friend, but he's busy, he's a hero, I don't think he has time for a relationship right now and I think you need to get out of your damn gloomy head before you think about romance or whatever. I care about Naruto, and I know he's a big, loveable, goofball who can withstand anything, but now's not the time. That help?" Shikamaru didn't bother waiting for an answer. "I gotta get back to work now, see ya." He disappeared before Sasuke could say anything else.

Sasuke knew Shikamaru was right. Naruto had so much going on in his life that, if anything, Sasuke was in the way. He hated the way that made him feel, it's how he's always felt. Like he was a barrier in Naruto's life. Sasuke decided against the easy way out, and took the stairs this time, reeling from his conversation with Shikamaru. He ignored the slight looks from the villagers going past him in the halls, and almost didn't notice the hand on his shoulder. Someone else? Already?

"Yo." A very familiar voice made his stomach turn slightly. Kakashi. He shouldn't be surprised, he's in the hokage building after all. Sasuke turned, facing his old teacher. "What are you doing here, Sasuke? Come to see your old Sensei?" Kakashi was brighter these days. He hated being hokage, but he's become goofier with age. 

"I was talking with Shikamaru actually." His voice got low, not wanting the nosey villagers to hear any of his words. Kakashi made a face at his confession, to be fair, it wasn't like Sasuke to choose to speak to people.

Out of the blue, Kakashi put his hand back on Sasuke's shoulder and gave him his signature eye smile. "Would you like to come into my office?" Maybe Kakashi could tell this was a sensitive subject by Sasuke's demeanor. Sasuke nodded. He supposes Kakashi could give a decent second outlook, he understands Sasuke the most afterall. 

Sasuke followed closely behind Kakashi into his office like a lost child. It's how he's felt these days, lost and afraid, always following behind, practically stepping on Naruto's heels through the village. Following behind Kakashi as he escorts him to his office makes Sasuke feel somewhat nostalgic though; Like when he was fresh out of the academy and watching Kakashi who didn't even break a sweat fighting him. 

Kakashi took a seat at his Hokage chair as Sasuke chose to stand. "So, what's up?" He wasn't a very formal hokage, was he? 

"I was just talking to Shikamaru about...Well, about Naruto." Sasuke admitted, he feels a bit more comfortable sharing this with Kakashi, he's done more shameful things in front of his Sensei to be scared of talking about his best friend. "I think I'm going to leave the village." It was abrupt, and somewhat blunt, but it was how he felt. Kakashi looked surprised.

"Why would you leave? You just got back?" Despite the obvious confusion, Kakashi kept his voice still and unbothered. Sasuke supposed he was a good hokage in that sense. 

Sasuke sighed, deciding to put everything on the table. "I don't belong here Kakashi, not now. I've been welcomed by you, Sakura, Naruto, and some other old peers, but most people look at me with disgust. I've only been staying for Naruto, and quite frankly, I'm more in his way than anything. He doesn't need me here." Kakashi listened silently to everything the younger shinobi had to say. Sasuke could practically see the gears turning in his head. 

"You know Sasuke…" Kakashi started, looking peaceful in his cap and at his desk filled with paperwork. "I won't stop you from leaving, but Naruto will. Naruto doesn't see it the way you do. He needs you just as much as you need him." He left it at that. Nothing more, nothing less. It was different from what Shikamaru had said, and different from how Sasuke felt. Sasuke left feeling even more confused than before. He decided it was time to head home, mentally exhausted from the day.

\---

Sasuke layed in bed for what felt like hours, yet the sun was only starting to set. Naruto hadn't come home yet and Sasuke had been turning the thought over and over in his head with only one conclusion each time. He wasn't going to stay. Naruto may have helped him and had become an anchor to him these past couple weeks but, it didn't feel right and Sasuke knew why. This may have been his home at one point as a child, but for right now, it wasn't. He didn't have a home and he was confused. He didn't know who he was, but he wanted to find out, so he started packing. 

\---

It didn't take very long for Sasuke to pack and head out. He didn't own more than one outfit, and had no personal belongings. Anyone else would think it sad, but for him it was normal. He didn't feel the sorrow he expected as he walked to the front gates of the Leaf, he felt calm, if not relieved. He was going to miss Naruto, and Sakura, but this needed to happen.

"SASUKE!!!" He flinched, he was afraid of this moment exactly. Hoping it wouldn't come, and he'd get out safe and free of confrontation. Naruto must have spoken to the others to have already caught up with him. He's not as dumb as he appears. Sasuke stopped without turning around; afraid to look Naruto in his big, sad, blue eyes for the millionth time.

Naruto caught up to him, breath heavy and Sasuke could practically feel the energy radiating off of him. "Why? Why are you leaving again?" He spoke fast and messy.

"I don't belong here Naruto." It's all he could say, hoping Naruto would understand, but knowing he wouldn't accept it. 

"That's bullshit! And you know it." Naruto didn't sound angry, but frustrated. He knew the boy wouldn't feel the same way, he never would. Naruto deals with loneliness by surrounding himself with others, Sasuke doesn't.

"Naruto," Sasuke finally turned to face the boy who knew his heart and body more than anyone. Naruto's face was red and visibly upset. "I know you want me to stay, and I want to be able to, but I can't. You're stronger than me; I can't face the looks and judgement." Naruto softened at this, it wasn't like the Uchiha to state his feelings that easily, but he knows that's what Naruto needs from him. Understanding. 

There was no argument, no fighting, no yelling. Sasuke felt bad for Naruto, he's left him so many times, he hates himself for doing it again. "I'll return without a fight this time, I promise." Sasuke meant it. He wanted to come back and laugh with his friends, he wanted to be accepted by everyone again, and he wanted to not feel scared talking to anyone but his teammates.

"I'm holding you to that, ya know?" Sasuke let himself smile at that, of course he will, he wouldn't be Naruto if he didn't. He never felt edge around the loud mouth, Naruto had a way of making people feel safe and it was no different with Sasuke. So in a moment of strength, Sasuke gave into that comfort and stepped up to Naruto to wrap his arms around him. It was unusual for both of them, it was stiff and strange but Naruto took no time hugging back with all his strength. 

"I'll miss you, ya know?" 

"...Me too."

Letting go, Sasuke turned away from Naruto, sad but happy at the same time. He didn't need to think about why he felt that way, he knew. This was a new chapter of his life, one that was good for him, and he knew that. Maybe he'll return a better person one day and be able to say he's Sasuke Uchiha without a second thought.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, Hi! This is my very first AO3 fic! I plan to post more even if this doesn't get attention because I have many Naruto thoughts and opinions and headcanons that I just need to get them out! I hope you enjoy if you are reading this ^^ leave me a comment if you like it or if you don't idk  
> -Sorry for any spelling errors 😭 my brain doesn't always pick up on them while proofing


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